Ready for some stress relief laughter medicine? 

Brought to us by the funniest jokes collection of the Reader’s Digest magazine:

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FISHING RING

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!” He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”

He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”

“No, this is the rink manager!”

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IS THERE REHAB FOR GOSSIPING?

I don’t need it, but I’ll tell you who does… 

-Jen Statsky, writer        

         

A RUSSIAN GOES TO UKRAINE

As a Russian prepares to cross the Ukrainian border, the border guard asks, “Occupation?”

“No,” says the Russian. “Just visiting.”

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RUDE PANCAKES

A mother asks her young sons what they want for breakfast. The first little boy says, “I’ll have some @#$%^& pancakes.”

The mother angrily sends him to his room for cursing. She glares at the other little boy and asks, “What do you want for breakfast?!”

The second boy says, “Well, I sure don’t want the @#$%^& pancakes!”

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THE LIE DETECTOR 

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.
The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?”
Son: “Yeah.”
Detector: “Beep.“
Son: “OK, OK, I was at the movies.”
Detector: “Beep.”
Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.”
Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!“
Detector: “Beep.”
Mother laughs: “Ha! He really is your son!”
Detector: “Beep.”

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ONE, TWO, THREE…

After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious.
“You’re running around with another woman—admit it!” she demanded.
“What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re it!”
That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awoken by Eve poking him in the chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Counting your ribs.” 

-Submitted by William Halliday

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BETWEEN US SNAKES

Snake 1: Are we poisonous?
Snake 2: I don’t know. Why?
Snake 1: I just bit my lip.

-Submitted by Faith Lackey

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ULTIMATE DOOM

After a husband and wife have a heated argument, the wife calls her mother. “He fought with me again! I’m coming over to live with you.”
To which her mother replies, “No, no, darling. He must pay for his mistake. I’m coming to live with you.” 

-Submitted by Joan Vercueil

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COST-CUTTING MEASURES

Recently, a man walked into my barbershop and asked how much for a haircut.
“Eight dollars,” I answered.
“And for a shave?”
“Five dollars.”
“All right,” he said, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.” 

-Submitted by Abdulmajeed Mamudu 

 

TALKING DOG FOR SALE

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

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GENERATION GAP

A mom texts, “Hi! Son, what do IDK, LY and TTYL mean?” He texts back, “I don’t know, love you and talk to you later.” The mom replies, “It’s OK, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister. Love you too.” 

– Laughfactory.com